Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Randomize
