Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
