I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
