i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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