I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
