no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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