you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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