Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
