I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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