Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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