You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
