Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
