I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
