my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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