I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
