You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
