i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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