I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
