I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Oh god it's open bar.
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