Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
