heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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