Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
it's great music for shaving your balls
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
