and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
