Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
