More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
