is your mom at the bar?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
