you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
