I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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