I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
