I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
This is my gift to your gina
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
