You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
