They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
