But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I think I just sharted jello shots
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
