i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
