u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
