That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
