I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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