a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
