Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
