I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize