It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
