was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
