well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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