How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
