it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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