their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
