If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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