you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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