quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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