ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Found the puke drawer
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
