Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
