You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
