My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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