my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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