spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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