the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
