Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
