Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
