So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
