I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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