I can feel you judging me through the phone.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
