Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
