Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
