my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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