I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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