my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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