Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
