And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
